WEEKEND RETREAT by Tanata Larue- Contributing Author, cynicmag.com, Vol I, Issue 4, April 2005

Quiz

Weekend Retreat
By Tanata LaRue -- Contributing Author , cynicmag.com, Vol. I, Issue 4 , April 2005

You know, sometimes a weekend just starts out bad and instead of forging ahead, you should just kick back, play it safe and .... (1) ....  of the picture for a couple of days. Unfortunately, when my weekend started out bad - my IQ level took a dip and .... (2) ....  letting go, I grabbed hold tight, tucked in my chin and jumped on a bobsled to hell.

Things had been hectic around the office, and my boss and I decided I could use some "relaxation time." There was a show out of state and this would be my chance .... (3) .... away for a couple of days . I would take a peaceful six hour drive, visit  some new people, stay in a nice hotel and  .... (4) .... someone clean up after me and cook my meals - basically just kick back and relax for a couple of days. Sometimes optimist and idiot can .... (5) ..... the same.

Two hours into my relaxing drive I was battling fog so thick I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face and I had to pull off the interstate into the parking lot of some dire motel  .... (6) ..... a flat tire. This was made extra irritating by the fact that I had had my oil changed two days before and the service attendant told me then to get some new tires. When I told my husband this, his .... (7) .... words were, "Those tires have plenty of miles left on them. Don’t worry about it."

After pulling over, I made a phone call to my husband and .... (8) .... my opinion of his tire know-how with him and then called our Auto Club. They arrived within 30 minutes, .... (9) .... I spent watching several people go by, put a doughnut tire on my vehicle (“Yes, I know .... (10).... change a tire. No, I am not going to! ”), was told all my tires needed .... (11) ...., the air in my doughnut was low, do not drive any further than 30 miles on it and given directions to the nearest Wal-Mart to have new tires put on my vehicle.

Twenty-seven miles later and once again battling the fog, I finally figured out the guy said left when he .... (12) ....  right, and I found Wal-Mart. Three hours, $300.00 and one very nasty lunch, later - I was back on the road battling the fog, trying to .... (13) .... lost time and reach my destination before darkness and my night-blindness kicked in (which a highway patrolman and a $50.00 speeding ticket  .... (14) .....).

At a very dark 7:00 p.m. I called my husband from some river town and told him I was so lost and disoriented that I couldn’t find my own nose with both hands, .... (15) .... my way out of that town, and that all of this was his fault!

He told me to put the cell-phone headset on, asked me for the name of the town and the name of the street I was on, logged onto our home computer, told me I was 47 miles from my destination and then not only  .... (16)....  to guide me out of town but also to the front door of my hotel.....thus restoring himself to his normal good guy status.

I spent a relaxing rest of the evening in the hotel, pampering myself with room service, a hot bath, and with the help of a couple of nerve pills - a restful night of sleep. The next day  was.... (17) .... smiling, shaking hands, explaining our product and contending with a slightly drunk Southern gentleman. Everything was fine and dandy, all of it beat fog, flat tires, highway patrolmen, speeding tickets and meandering on strange back roads.

The next morning started at 2 a.m. when I awoke to the sound of sleet on my window. At 8 a.m. I called my husband and told him the sleet had turned to rain and I thought I would head for home. He said it was "clear as a bell" back home; so on my way...  (18) ..... . For nine hours I drove through, rain, sleet, snow, ice, white-out conditions, one lane traffic, accidents, wind and black-ice.

I pulled over several times because of the weather, drove for hours at 25 mph, .... (19) .... blisters on my hands from gripping the steering wheel so tight, witnessed terrible, terrible accidents, lost control of my vehicle and missed a highway patrol car by less than six inches, spent some time in a ditch, came up on a 25 car pile-up and did an awful lot of praying. On the upside...   (20)  one of my pull-overs - I met some very nice people at a small diner called Stubbs, and... I survived the trip. My nerves were totally shot, but I did make it home in one piece. .... (21) .... home I drove out of the storm onto perfectly clear roads and dreary, but nice weather (that just meant I had time to quit  hyperventilating … (22) ….I pulled into our driveway).

I walked through the back door, presented my husband with the credit card bill for new tires, the $50.00 speeding ticket, an empty nerve pill bottle for re-fill, gave him a kiss and went to bed.

I’m pretty sure …(23) … "relaxation weekend" would kill me off!